To catch one token which shall be As dear as life itself to me.
List, lady, then, while on my lute I breathe soft-No, I'll not be quiet! How dare you call my serenade a riot? I do defy you!)—while upon my lute I breathe soft sighs-(Yes, I dispute Your right to stop me)-breathe soft sighs. Grant but one look from those dear eyes→→ (There, take that stupid noddle in again ; Call the police! Do! I'll prolong my strain). We'll wander by the river's placid flow- (Into the Station House! No sir, I won't go ! Leave me alone!)—and talk of Love's delight. (Oh, murder! help! I'm locked up for the night!)
Two Frenchmen, who had just come over,
Half starved but always gay
(No weasels e'er were thinner),
Trudged up to town from Dover,
Their slender store exhausted on the way, Extremely puzzled how to get a dinner.
From morn till noon, from noon till dewy eve, Our Frenchmen wandered on their expedition; Great was their need, and sorely did they grieve- Stomach and pocket in the same condition. At length, by mutual consent, they parted, And different ways on the same errand started.
Towards night one Frenchman at a tavern, door Stopped, entered, all the preparations saw; The ready waiter at his elbow stands- "Sir, will you favor me with your commands;
Roast goose or duck, sir, choose you that or these? "Sare, you are very kind, sare, vat you please."
It was a glorious treat-pie, pudding, cheese and meat; At last the Frenchman, having eaten his fill, Prepared to go, when- "Here, sir, is your bill!” "O, you are Bill-vell, Mr. Bill, good day!"
My name is Tom, sir-you've this bill to pay!"
"Pay, pay, ma foi!
I call for noting, sare, pardonnez moi !
You show to me the pooden, goose and sheeze, You ask me vat I eat-I tell you vat you please." The waiter, softened by his queer grimace, Could not help laughing in the Frenchman's face, And generously tore the bill in two, Forgave the hungry trick, and let him go.
Our Frenchman's appetite subdued, Away he chasséed in a merry mood, And, turning round the corner of a street, His hungry countryman perchanced to meet, When, with a grin,
He told how he had taken John Bull in.
Fired with the tale, the other licks his chops, Makes his congée, and seeks the shop of shops. Entering, he seats himself, as if at ease— "What will you have, sir?" "Vat you please."
The waiter saw the joke, and slyly took A whip, and with a very gracious look Sought instantly the Frenchman's seat,
"What will you have, sir?" venturing to repeat. Our Frenchman, feeling sure of goose and cheese, With bow and smile quick answers "Vat you please!"
But scarcely had he let the sentence slip
When round his shoulders twines the pliant whip.
"Sare! sure! ah, misericorde! parblou!
O dear, monsieur, what for you strike me? huh!
Vat for is dis?" "Ah, don't you know? That's vat I please, exactly; now, sir, go! Your friend, although I paid well for his funning, Deserves the goose he gained, sir, by his cunning; But you, monsieur, without my dinner tasting, Are goose enough-and only want a basting."
HOW TO GET RICH.
W. D. MORANGE.
Put on the airs of an eight-keyed flute If you're only a penny whistle; Pass where you can for a garden rose If you're only a wayside thistle.
Blow, whenever you blow your horn, So people can understand
That you may be sharp, but you won't be flat In society's great brass band.
Pass the plate or the hat in church With the usual Sabbath air,
But move with a mild religious squeak, That people may know you're there.
If you carry a nose six inches long (And a beak can scarcely be longer), Believe it a sign of perception strong, And the longer it is, the stronger.
But if, in the order of nasal tubes, Your organ is brief in measure, Then, brevity being the soul of wit, Consider your pug a treasure.
Love your neighbor-but mark the force Of the gospel rule of grace- The more you admire yourself, my friendą The higher your neighbor's place.
Chink your dime in the deacon's pan
As if you were throwing gold,
And give, with an eye to the business hope Of reaping a hundred fold.
Whether your reading is little or great,
Quote right or never quote;
Polish your uppers, tho' down in the heel, And never endorse a note.
Always advance best hand, best foot
(Best hand, best foot your own),
And thus you may feast on the fat of the land While others enjoy the bone.
Did you ever? No, I never! Mercy on us, what a smell! Don't be frightened, Johnny dear! Gracious! how the jackalls yell. Mother, tell me what's the man Doing with that pole of his ? Bless your little precious heart, He's stirring up the beastesses!
Children, don't you go so near!
Hevings! there's the Afric cowses! What's the matter with the child? Why, the monkey's tore his trowsers! Here's the monstrous elephant-
I'm all a-tremble at the sight; See his monstrous toothpick, boys—; Wonder if he's fastened tight?
There's the lion! see his tail!
How he drags it on the floor! 'Sakes alive! I'm awful scared
To hear the horrid creatures roar! Here's the monkeys in their cage, Wide awake you are to see 'em; Funny, ain't it? How would you Like to have a tail and be 'em?
Johnny, darling, that's the bear That tore the naughty boys to pieces! Horned cattle! only hear
How the dreadful camel wheezes! That's the tall giraffe, my boy,
Who stoops to hear the morning lark; 'Twas him who waded Noah's flood, And scorned the refuge of the ark.
Here's the crane-the awkward bird! Strong his neck is as a whaler's, And his bill is full as long
As ever met one from the tailor's. Look! just see the zebra there! Standing safe behind the bars; Goodness me! how like a flag, All except the corner stars!
There's the bell the birds and beasts Now are going to be fed;
So, my little darlings, come, It's time for you to be a-bed. "Mother, 'tisn't nine o'clock !
You said we needn't go before;
Let us stay a little while
Want to see the monkeys more!"
Cries the showman, "Turn 'em out! Dim the lights! there, that will do;
Come again to-morrow, boys; Bring your little sisters, too."
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