CHAPTER III. Holy Aspirations- Making and receiving Calls - Contemplations on the Character, Mission and Sufferings of Christ Solitude rendered Delightful by the Divine Presence - Selfloathing. "June 3, 1837. Oh for more conformity to my my Heavenly Father's will! May the trials of which I have for a few days been the subject, be the process by which my soul shall be purified, and God's image more fully enstamped upon me. "O my Father! may I not shrink from the chastisements thou seest necessary to inflict; I need to I beg be stricken ere I can be fitted for thy use. for more grace, and to me it must succeed strokes of severity. Nothing else will separate my affections from earthly things. July 17. Am pained with the reflection, that in so many instances, I have studied my own ease more than the glory of God. What I shall do to be happy, and at the same time honorable, has too often been the study of my heart. Oh that henceforth I may live to the glory of God; and if he shall require, yield to him every enjoyment the heart holds dear. "July 19. How delightful to be employed in the vineyard of the Lord. Oh that I was prepared to occupy some obscure place where I could honor and glorify Him; some hidden place, where the eye of criticism could not feast itself on my defects. Not that I would fear its scorn, but would take the place I can best fill, the low and retired. There, perhaps, I may be permitted to labor until my Savior call me home. But oh, how unworthy of such a place! even to do the least work in his vineyard; not worthy to enjoy, may I be permitted to suffer, for his sake. "July 22. How trifling the toils and the sufferings of the Christian, when compared with the Savior's! He, to redeem the deathless spirit, not only suffered, but died; on him was laid the iniquity of us all.' On us, how trifling the burden in comparison with this! How little conception can we have of the sufferings of him who knew the immortality of the soul, with its attributes, and relations to eternity, and the exceeding sinfulness of sin, with all its dreadful consequences. Oh, infinite knowledge, what did it know! Infinite sight, what did it see! Infinite strength, what did it endure! Infinite mercy, with what has it borne ! What but Omnipotence can conceive? "July 23. How sweet the return of another Sabbath, with its attendant blessings! Surely, a day spent in thy courts is better than a thousand, a faint emblem of that Sabbath of rest, Where congregations ne'er break up, And Sabbaths never end.' "Evening. Anticipated much pleasure from solitude, before I inquired the will of God. This selflove, how interwoven with every emotion of the soul! But shall I consult my own feelings, and absent myself from the lecture-room, because I may receive more pleasure from books, and meditation, than from a sermon delivered from such an one? Will this be right? If it is the duty of ministers to preach, is it not my duty to hear? If I am not particularly edified, may not my presence, in some way, exert an influence, that others may be indirectly, if not directly, benefited? With these considerations, I cheerfully make the sacrifice. 'My life, which thou hast made thy care, Lord, I devote to thee.'" Were all professors of religion as conscientious, and did they act accordingly, would not our houses of worship be better filled than they are? "July 26. Returned from making calls. Think I met with one of those mourning characters which is particularly dear to the Savior's heart; but how poor is my strength to apply the precious promises of the gospel to the troubled heart. The Holy Spirit must accompany them, or the doubting will remain doubting still. "July 27. Received calls to-day from the afflicted and from others who were indulging a faint hope. Oh for that wisdom which is profitable to direct, that I may be able to reprove, strengthen, and encourage, as circumstances require. "July 30. Cannot forget the calls yesterday; particularly the remarks of one young lady. 'Oh,' said she, I cannot believe we are so depraved; we have many noble and refined feelings, and I think we are better than you seem to represent.' Endeavored to point out the difference between those amiable qualities, those refined affections, of which many are the subjects, and those holy principles which originate from having been taught of God. Oh, how important to make the distinction between refined human nature, and those principles of moral purity which the Holy Spirit implants in the heart. August 2. Some sweet communion with the Savior. How lovely, how glorious is his image! how full his fullness! just suited to the wants of the poor, perishing sinner. How inexpressible his majesty! surrounded by an innumerable company, clothed with white robes, and palms in their hands, crying salvation to their God! Though he is thus elevated, how infinite his condescension ! possessed of all things, yet subjected to the most extreme poverty! How interesting to view him in his humanity, as well as his divinity; for even in his humiliation, he is the same wonderful Counselor, the everlasting Father, the Prince of peace; just as wonderful then, as in the midst of the throne, receiving glory, honor, and power, from all the heavenly host. May I think of him in these characters as my friend and Savior, my Lord and my God? Can I be noticed by such a Being; can I be the object of his care and love? Oh, infinite condescension! "August 3. How interesting is it to reflect upon that unexampled mission performed on earth by our glorious Redeemer! See the benevolence, forbear ance, and wisdom, which characterized every act; and how blessed the effects of such a mission -- a glorious immortality purchased for us! Who will not wonder and admire? Who will not mourn over his suffering for a lost world, and repent of the sins which pierced his soul? Here "August 4. Once more permitted to enjoy the delights of a peaceful solitude. What shall I render unto the Lord for all his kindness? Surely goodness and mercy have followed me, and my soul is humbled in me at the remembrance. in my chamber have I enjoyed the Savior's presence; here he has appeared as the one altogether lovely; not only as the Lamb of God, meek and lowly, but as the 'Lion of the tribe of Judah,' the only one to take the book, and to open the seals thereof. Yes, sacred has been the place, and sweet the solitude enjoyed by this poor worm, within these doors. Here have I loved to think of the favored disciple on the solitary isle of Patmos. How sweet must have been that lonely spot; how pure, how elevated the enjoyment of his soul. Banished from all the pleasures of earth, yet holding intercourse with the Alpha and Omega, and permitted to see the things that should afterwards be revealed. Ah! how little like banishment were those days to this blessed exile! Angels were his ministering spirits, to interpret the mysteries of the gospel. There he wept because none was found worthy to open the book and loose the seals thereof; and there he rejoiced, for he heard a voice sweeter |