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nafty trumpery, and expofed to view. At laft the day appointed came; the morn was woeful to the sheep and fwine! it was a woeful morn for the poultry, young pigeons, and young rabbits! and a fad and lamentable morn for the inhabitants of the woods and waters! 'ere it was quite light, one of the best wethers, two innocent lambs, one brawny barrow, two roafting pigs, two turkies, two geefe, four ducks, four capons, two maiden pullets (as they call them), twenty-four pigeons, and fix rabbits, loft their lives! The rivers and little rivulets were poifoned with hogfheads of lime; barbarous act! cruel operation! not only drained of mullets, mudfish, crabs, lobsters, fhrimps, &c. but all the fmall fry totally deftroyed.! Six flaves were fent out with guns; they made the woods and corn pieces refound; doves of various kinds, partridge, quails, and Guinea hens fell victims; the harmless unwieldy turtle, which had been pampered for months before in a tub, now loft its head, and was dreffed into different favoury difhes; alfo, the jewfish and kingfish, with plenty of delicious oysters, fresh from the fea or falt river. There were feveral cooks, and a number of pots and fpits engaged; there were pyes, puddings, tarts, and cuftards upon cuftards in abundance, and the ovens were several times little tnas. There were a variety of sweetmeats, and the choiceft fruit the inland produced; alfo, wines, cordials, &c. &c. The plate on a fideboard brushed moft bright,
not fullied with the pureft water, made a glittering appearance. At length the gentlemen crouded, and the tables were quickly overspread with an amazing number of difhes, five times more than ever I have feen at an Irish wedding.
Presently mifs Louifa and mifs Laura (as I fhall call them) made their appearance; they were gaudy and elegantly dreffed, and extremely tight laced; their cheeks had been artfully fcorched with red peppers, which gave them beautiful blushes: they feemed all lovely, all divine; nor did their female fable attendants, which were dreffed in white, as emblems of innocence, cut a defpicable figure.
During dinner the gentlemen were as polite as poffible to the young ladies, each endeavouring with all his might to infinuate himself into their good graces, by the eloquence of his eyes and tongue. "Pray, mifs Louifa, will you permit me to help you to a bit of the turkey; it is very fine!" "Tank you, fir, wid all my baut."
Pray mifs, what part do you like beft?" "Sir; Ife don't love turkey rump-Ife love turkey bubby." Mifs Laura was taken notice of for having no appetite; though fhe was preffed by the different gentlemen, fhe could eat nothingat length a military gentleman who fat next to her, asked her if she was indifpofed, or what could it be that affected her, that it made him very unhappy Little mifs replied, "O fir, Ife can't tell." Her mother then peremptorily demanded
to know what was the matter with her?-and
Laura replied, "Me quite forry mamma, Ife went in a bush to-day to do my, and Yellow Legs come, and he knaum my, and him puke; O I'm quite forry for poor Yellow Legs!" At which uncouth expreffion fome of the company fimiled, and I was in pain for poor Laura, for she was my favourite. The fact appeared to be this; fhe had been that forenoon, as ufual, in the cook-room, where he ate a calabash full of substantial pepperpot; it had a purgative effect on her; fhe had a neceffary call backwards, and her favourite lap dog, Yellow Legs, followed her; you may guefs the reft.
During dinner, they did not forget to reprimand the maids feveral times, for not brushing off the flies; which put me in mind of their fongs.
"Quashibas, why you no bring bush ;
After dinner there were different bafons with water introduced (according to cuftom) for every perfon to wash their hands; but the military gentleman not being acquainted with the practice, inftead of washing his hands, drank off the contents of his bafon, which occafioned fome of the gentlemen to smile, and the young ladies to laugh heartily; but this harmless miftake and piece of innocent mirth had like to terminate very feriously,
oufly, for captain M'Kill-all (which was the officer's name) being pert and raw, proud and ignorant, like many other military puppies, to fhew his courage, challenged and fought one of the gentlemen next morning, and unfortunately McKill-all came off with a flight wound in the fhoulder.
The old lady, who headed the table, contributed vaftly in promoting mirth and chearfulnefs, by drinking "Somebody," and giving a knock at the fame time on the table, faying, "Here he goes." She had fimilar fentiments at command; which eafy free politeness inspired the gentlemen with courage to take the liberty of ravishing her daughters of fome fweet kiffes.
After the gentlemen were all departed, mifs Louifa and mifs Laura took off their stays, and put on their romping frocks, and afked me to take a walk with them, as ufual; during the excurfion through a spacious and delightful garden, imbowered with fhaddock, cufhue, cocoa-nut, orange, and other fruit trees, we at length feated ourselves in a lonely and lovely arbour of grape and granadillo vines, where delicious fruit were pendant all round, whilft the mocking birds were warbling their melodious ftrains; mifs Louifa and mifs Laura fung moft charming catches, which infpired me with ideas different from what I before entertained; on our return through a plantain walk, we went intentionally aftray.
"I long to tafte beneath fome plantain's fhade,
Ne'er fhall my heart forget the pleasing days,
Whom nature, bounteous, sheds her bleffings o'er,
Nor rove again through lime or orange grove;
Thro' lonely walks, to taste the fweets of love.
From what I have faid you will, I fuppofe, conclude that I have been a vile profligate, and that it is ungenerous in me to expose the foibles in young ladies, by whom I was fo much favoured. In answer thereto, I only write to you as a friend; and was you now in Jamaica, you might never find out the families I allude to, for I have concealed their names and places of abode: and I fill